How To Overcome Anything Life Throws At You: An Introduction to The Reconnection Method

How I Found My Way from an Embarrassing and Shameful Mental Breakdown to a Thriving Entrepreneur Living My Biggest Dreams

It was a routine day and drive to the office when something weird started happening..something out of control….my breathing suddenly changed. And for absolutely no good reason, I was suddenly suffocating. Scared sh*tless, I pulled over. After resting for a few minutes and talking myself through deep breaths, my breathing returned to normal, so I pushed on, but the sensation returned. With each attempt to continue to the office, the sensation got more and more forceful until I admitted I couldn’t breathe or go to the office!

“What the f*ck was happening to me?”

What I did not know then but know now? I was having a full-blown panic attack—a mental breakdown.

That was five years ago. It was the moment that forced me to do something I never thought I’d have to do- seek help for a mental illness. 

Hearing the words, “You have Major Depressive Disorder” were words I could not comprehend. I seriously never thought I’d have a mental breakdown. 

But that day, what should’ve been a normal day of meetings, was a day I’ll never forget. I was only thirty minutes into the drive-it took me two hours to get home because I had to keep pulling over and breathe my way back onto the road.

It. Was. Awful. 

Scary? An understatement.

Embarrassing? Let’s just say that it wasn’t an easy or fun call to my boss to tell her why I couldn’t make it to work. 

The worst part? I didn’t have time for this mess.

As a high achiever and a high performer, I was busy. It was not convenient, and it was “getting in the way.”  Being me, I saw it as something I had to fix quickly.

It was a necessary transaction, that was all. My mentality was, “Let’s just get it over with.”

So…there I sat.., awaiting an appointment to address the inconvenience of a mental breakdown. And honestly, as tough as I was or am, this scared the crap out of me. By far, the most terrifying moment of my life.

“How the F** did I get here?” and “If I’m going to experience this anxiety crap, like being able to breathe, I don’t want to live.” These were the most frequent thoughts leading up to the day I desperately hoped for someone to fix me.

If you’ve gone through this, you know exactly what I’m talking about. 

I heard my name called; I stood up, tempted to run – the door was right there – I could make a break for it and not go through with addressing my sh*t. But deep down, I knew I had to.

So, I put one foot in front of the other and went into the small office that smelled like incense and had an enveloping warmth with the low lighting and smiling practitioner, Dr. Gries.

Despite the friendly welcome, I was still scared.

As I sat, he grinned and said, “So, tell me. What’s going on?”

I was stuck. I thought, “Where should I begin?” Seconds passed, but that seemed like days. One thing was clear: he wasn’t going to break the silence.

As much as I wanted just to say, “Fix me,” I knew he wouldn’t accept that answer. 

So, I started in….”Well….my back hurts pretty much all day, every day. I can’t take cleansing breaths. I have anxiety and panic attacks controlled by drugs. And I can’t drive a quarter mile without freaking out, so, at the moment, I’m not driving.”

F*********CK. My whole body heated up, and I knew my face was red. I started to sweat. I thought, “Well, there it is. I let it rip. He’s going to think I’m insane.”

Instead, he gently welcomed me to explain how I got here. I went on to deep dive into what led to needing someone to fix me.

A best friend dying of cancer. An uncle was suddenly hit by a car and killed as a pedestrian. A disdain for work. Tensions with wanting to follow my dreams but being too scared to. The list went on….

So, as we continued, he quickly summarized what happened.

 I had disconnected from myself and was living a very inauthentic life.

He went on to talk more about not being able to be myself. He promised if I could be me and have a relationship with me, I’d not just be fine, but I’d be amazing.

After he said what he said, I was pissed. I didn’t hear much after those first few sentences. It was like he zoomed out and got blurry; his words were just sounds.

What in the actual F$%#. I was one of the most authentic people I knew.

I had a very healthy you-get-what-you-see way to me. I didn’t want to admit he was right. He spoke the absolute truth to me—truth that hurt and truth I did not want to hear.

The longer I sat, the more I understood – he was right. And mainly because I had no idea what I wanted but knew deep inside I wanted something different than what I had. And this hurt. Because not only did I look like I had it all, but I had worked my ass off for it. Nothing stood in my way of getting what I wanted. I lived by the motto, where there’s a will, there’s a f’n way. And I was SUCCESSFUL. I’m talking about some serious success. Was I a millionaire? Not yet, no. But I certainly was a thousandaire. I was able to travel and not think about what it cost me. I could buy things without thinking much about it. I bought my niece and nephews whatever I could during the holidays because who cares..I could afford it.

So, long way of saying, I didn’t think the world I built was wrong, and I certainly didn’t think I needed to fix anything.

But what I could not ignore was how I felt – the overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks were not dismissible.

• I had a relationship with everything and everyone but me.
• I had one with money (albeit probably not a great one).
• I had one with my husband.
• I had one with my friends.
• I had one with my career (again, albeit probably not a great one).
• I had one with my identity, my ego, and what I had built for myself.

But with myself? No.

I didn’t have a relationship with me. There was no home for me, for my soul.

Now I know this can come off as some esoteric bullsh*t. Lord knows I thought it was – especially as I worked past my anger at him for accusing me of not knowing myself, not having a relationship with myself, and not being able to truly be ME, and knowwwww ME.

And even more – I sure as hell didn’t go to him because I thought, gee, wish I had a relationship with myself.

I went to him because I needed help, and I needed it fast – so I could move the hell on from this situation and get on with it.

I want to share this from a not-so-airy-fairy place because I know the skeptics will struggle if I don’t.

I also want to overcome some of the generalized and popularized fixes out there like, icebaths, morning routines, “self-care” crap like massages, or my all-time favorite, meditation. Which, for the record, I do now and love BUT it gets overused as a catch-all for fixing our real-life problems.

When we face real big problems like this, the typical “solutions” won’t fix them. Are there things that’ll temporarily mask it? Sure…But I know, especially now, the only “fixing” is by building a relationship with yourself and understanding how to work through life’s crap, second by second, day by day, month by month, and year by year until we’re gone and on to the next life or wherever we go.

Maya Angelou said it best, “We may act sophisticated and worldly, but I believe we feel safest when we go inside ourselves and find home, a place where we belong and maybe the only place we really do.”

In my next post, I’ll start by explaining the high-level stuff and get deeper as we go. Ultimately, you’ll know the framework I use literally every single day to tackle just about anything in life.