Could this be why you’re getting stuck?

Yesterday, I went for a hilly, rocky, and dirty bike ride—the toughest cardio workout I’ve done in months—perhaps years at this point.

And honestly, even though it hurt, it was satisfying.

There was something that really bothered me, though.

During the ride, I experienced anxiety. When things got tough, I would hold my breath and then need a deep cleansing breath. Which caused some panic.

At this point in my journey, anxiety doesn’t scare me like it used to. When I first started having anxiety, it would start and get worse and worse because…well.. when you’re anxious, you get anxiety from your anxiety, and it’s a spiral.

So, I knew to keep talking to myself, saying things like, “You’re safe.”

But afterward, this bothered me because it didn’t seem “right.” And it was frustrating because I’m SO far behind where I used to be (physically).

I enjoyed these types of workouts back in the day. They gave me an outlet for releasing stress, anger, frustrations, and whatever else was going on. Pushing myself hard felt good.

But now? It just gives me anxiety???? UGH.

So, after the ride, I shared my experience with my husband.

Long conversation short, the mirror he put in front of me showed me I’ve been inconsistent with cardio since I fell off my bike and broke my arm, which was years ago.

WOAH —— if this doesn’t show us the damage of trauma being shoved into our subconscious, I don’t know what does.

Since then, I’ve been FRUSTRATED with myself and asked a hundred times – why don’t I like doing this anymore? Why does pushing myself feel so annoying and scary and cause anxiety? Why can’t I stay consistent or care enough about my heart and health to stay active?

Throw my debilitating back pain on top of this, and you will get a great recipe for getting stuck.

This led me to realize something major….we get stuck because we experience something (usually trauma) which leads us to act out of alignment. We get depressed because we’re out of alignment..then we numb….then we’re mad because we numbed, and this is a cycle we stay in – we get stuck.

We’re stuck because the subconscious leads the way – and we don’t even realize it.

This cycle makes us frustrated, depressed, sad, angry, tired, and annoyed because, at a higher level, it’s not really what we want for ourselves.

So – how do you get out of this? How do you break this cycle?

1. Acknowledge it. Quite honestly, I didn’t want to acknowledge my anxiety on the bike. I wanted to pretend I was in the shape I used to be and that this little ride was nothing to me. But I had to be honest and face the pain of things not being as they used to be and the ride being mentally and physically tough.
2. Share it. Just like I did with my husband, I shared something vulnerable. I didn’t want to tell him how I felt on the bike; it was quite embarrassing. And if you know my husband, you know why—he’s very active and in shape. And he’s been that way for years, never faltering. Also, it’s just weird to tell someone you had anxiety working out—LOL …makes no sense, really.
3. Accept where you’re at and honor THAT person, not the person you were years ago. I told my husband that I didn’t get why I was not like I used to be. He said because you’re not. That was years ago. Why would you be the same person? I mentioned that when I was a kid, I never got anxious. I was a daredevil, in fact. He said, ya? You also probably used to pick your nose! HAHAHA…indeed…indeed…The point is we change. And that’s okay. Meet yourself exactly where you’re at. No need to reach for that other person. If you do, you’ll continue to expect the same things, and that’s just not possible.

Being stuck sucks – there’s no other way to say it. But the good news? You can get out of it…but it does take some uncomfortable looks in the mirror, sharing with a safe person, and deeply honoring and being gentle with yourself.