Why Finding Your Purpose Feels So Hard (And What to Do About It)

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I remember sitting in my boss’s office after my first year in sales, knowing I needed to confess something that felt almost shameful: I was uncomfortable with my success. 

Growing up in a small town of less than 2,000 people where money was always tight, earning significant commissions and bonuses felt almost wrong. And before I could stop the words, it came out—”I don’t think I can do this.”

This experience became a pivotal moment in my understanding of how our backgrounds and beliefs can create subconscious barriers to finding and living our purpose- ultimately keeping us from the success we all dream of. What happens to us can literally prevent us from achieving our goals and block us from stepping into our innate power.

And I’m not unique—I hear people’s struggles trying to do work they love daily. Some moms feel guilty for wanting something that’s theirs. Spouses feel guilty for ditching what they’re “known for” in their house – perhaps they’re the breadwinner, maybe the constant, and making a major change would disrupt their whole family. 

People have all sorts of reasons for not doing what feels right for them. And they’re valid! 

After a very successful career in sales, I wanted something different—something that was mine. And I was SO scared to share this with my husband. I was literally afraid he would not love me anymore.

These things are real. They can be very difficult to address and overcome, which is why I wanted to share my experience with you and talk through some things that might be keeping you from having not only that great job, great family, or great house but also that amazing feeling that you’re doing what you’re supposed to do. You’re fulfilling your life dreams and aspirations AND having success while doing it! You’re doing what you’re here to do!

So – here they are.

1. The “I Don’t Know What I Want” Loop

This is perhaps the most common barrier I hear from clients. “I just don’t know what I want” becomes a mantra, repeated so often it transforms into an identity. Your brain, always seeking patterns and predictability, embraces this story and makes it your reality.

What’s fascinating is that most people actually do know what they want – they’re just afraid to admit it. I experienced this myself when I spent years knowing I wanted to start my own business but was too scared to acknowledge it fully.

If this is you, here’s what I want you to do – here’s how you break free of this mental loop keeping you from doing what you really love:

The Clean Slate Exercise: Imagine your life as a blank canvas. Remove ALL constraints:

  • Financial concerns
  •  Family obligations
  •  Educational background
  •  Others’ expectations
  •  Fear of failure
  •  Geographic limitations

Stream of Consciousness Writing: Spend 15 minutes writing about what you’d do if you had complete freedom. Don’t edit, judge, or analyze.

Pattern Recognition: Review what you’ve written and look for themes. Are there recurring ideas or desires that keep showing up?

Language Shift: Replace “I don’t know what I want” with “I’m exploring what I want.” This subtle shift opens up possibilities rather than shutting them down.

2. The Survival Mode Trap

Our survival instincts have evolved from avoiding predators to avoiding financial instability. This creates a particular kind of paralysis where people discover their purpose but only pursue it if they believe it can’t sustain them financially.

I see this, especially in clients with stable corporate jobs but feel called to more creative or service-oriented work. They get stuck in the false dichotomy between purpose and prosperity.

Here’s what you can do!

Create a Purpose-Prosperity Bridge:

Research Phase:

  •  Google “people making money doing [your purpose]”
  •  Join LinkedIn groups related to your interest
  •  Find and follow successful people in your desired field
  •  Study different business models in your area of interest

Multiple Streams Strategy:

  •  Consider how your purpose could generate different types of income:
  •   Direct services
  •   Digital products
  •   Consulting
  •   Teaching/training
  •    Passive income opportunities

Transition Planning:

  •   Start with a side hustle
  •   Build an emergency fund
  •   Create a timeline for a gradual transition
  •   Identify potential partnerships or collaborations

Remember the story of TOMS Shoes – they turned the simple act of selling shoes into a purpose-driven empire by adding a social impact component. Your purpose doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s AND it can be wildly successful.

Moving on to the third reason – fear!

3. The Fear of Disappointment

When I decided to leave my corporate career to start my own business, I carried a secret fear that kept me up at night: I worried my husband wouldn’t love me as much if I weren’t bringing in my usual salary. The fear of disappointing those we love can be paralyzing, primarily when they’ve invested in our current path.

This shows up differently for everyone:

  • The lawyer who wants to become a teacher but fears disappointing parents who paid for law school
  • The successful executive who dreams of opening a bakery but worries about losing status
  • The doctor who wants to write novels but feels trapped by others’ expectations

So, if you want to make a change but are scared of disappointing those you love – try this!

Build Courage and Support:

Identify Your Core Circle:

  •  Make a list of the 2-3 people whose opinions truly matter
  •  Be honest about whose disappointment you fear most
  •  Consider whether these fears are based on reality or assumption

Have Crucial Conversations:

  • Share your vulnerabilities
  • Express your fears explicitly
  • Listen to their perspectives
  • Seek understanding, not necessarily approval

Create a Support System:

  •  Find mentors who’ve made similar transitions
  •  Join communities of like-minded individuals
  •  Consider working with a coach or therapist
  •  Build relationships with people already living your desired lifestyle

His response was so comforting when I finally told my husband my fears! Not only was he supportive, but he helped me see how much of my anxiety was self-generated rather than based on reality.

And lastly…….

4. Analysis Paralysis

Many believe finding their purpose requires dramatic life changes – selling their house, moving cities, or starting over. This all-or-nothing thinking often leads to decision paralysis and inaction.

Through my work with Human Design, I’ve learned that different people have different paths to finding their purpose. Some are meant to experiment extensively in their younger years (like me, as a 4/6 projector), while others might have a more direct path.

Here’s how you can start overcoming this one….

Take Purposeful Action:

Start with Micro-Experiments:

  • Interested in photography? Borrow a camera for a weekend
  • Drawn to teaching? Volunteer at a local school
  • Curious about writing? Start a private blog
  • Want to help others? Offer free coaching to three friends

Document Your Journey:

  • Keep a purpose journal
  • Record your energy levels during different activities
  • Note which activities make time fly
  • Track what people consistently ask you for help with

Build Momentum Through Small Wins:

  •  Set weekly micro-goals
  •  Celebrate small achievements
  •  Share your progress with supporters
  •  Use feedback to adjust your direction

 Set weekly micro-goals

  •   Celebrate small achievements
  •   Share your progress with supporters
  •   Use feedback to adjust your direction

Moving Forward: Your Next Steps

Finding your purpose doesn’t have to feel like climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. It’s about taking small, intentional steps while addressing the internal barriers that hold you back. Here’s your immediate action plan:

  1. Complete the Clean Slate Exercise from Section 1
  2. Research one person making money doing what you love
  3. Have one honest conversation with someone in your core circle
  4. Design one micro-experiment to test a potential purpose path

If you’re feeling stuck or uncertain about your path, let’s talk. I offer personalized guidance to help you navigate these barriers and find clarity about your purpose. Reach out to me at info@melissacoloton.com to discuss what’s keeping you from living your purpose.

Remember, your purpose isn’t just about what you do – it’s about who you become in the process of discovering it. And sometimes, like my journey from athletic trainer to winery worker to corporate professional to purpose coach, the path isn’t straight. But every step, even the ones that seem like detours, can lead you closer to where you’re meant to be.

Your purpose is waiting. Are you ready to claim it?

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